Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize