Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
My bed smells like the plague
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
