At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
