hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
