i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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