i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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