What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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