Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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