Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
