youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
