Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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