Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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