You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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