dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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