Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
