my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
