He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
