your thong is hanging out like whoa
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize