just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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