my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
