It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
