Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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