wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
