we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize