Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
