Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
