I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
