we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
