Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
