it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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