i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We're too hungover to prance.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
