Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
