Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
