ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
im holly from the hills drunk
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize