I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
