I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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