I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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