happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
