I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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