There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
