nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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