Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize