Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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