Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
