He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
