i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
