You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
