You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
