goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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