I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
birth control should be required to get into college
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
