Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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