Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
