she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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