Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You can't motorboat a personality
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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