Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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