thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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