I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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