my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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