just tell him i said nine months
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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