Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
