I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
