I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
