To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
