Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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